Walk on..

It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time -Winston Churchill

And so I believe. I have spent days pondering on the what-next's. Sapping myself of all the enthusiasm and energy in the bargain. Only to stare at the ceiling blankly at the end of the day. I am sure, all of us go through this phase, some consistentnly, others - once in a while. Past few months have been testing. In all the possible areas. And managed to push me to the lowest ebb I have ever been at. Where everything seems stagnant, non-existent in an existential way. Empty. And I was wondering what next. There were so many things on my platter to take care of. But nothing, absolutely nothing seemed important than giving my own self some time off. How much, my mind asked. I don't know, I said, all I know is I need to find a way out. To what, it asked again, I don't know - I said, everything is a question mark and I am yet to unravel the content and cause of such discontent. You are fooling yourself, it told me; You are impatient basically and a victim of peer pressure. I said, peer pressure? Hell, there is none.. It has been ages since I even went out with my friends; I don't even know what anyone of them is doing at the moment. Exactly, Mind said, you don't want to go out to the world, you are harbouring a prejudice against your own self. you are impossible, I barked back, how can I hold a prejudice against my own self?

Hell you are, it continued. What stops you from going out, from being happy - atleast content, from looking at the improvements you have undergone rather than looking at things you are yet to achieve, from being thankful for having reached till here, for trusting that the journey is a long one and so it may just be the beginning or the mid, but surely not the end (someone said if it is not happy, then it is not the end, Mind winked at me). I can tell you a hundred things that are right at the moment, it continued, can you give me a hundred that are no so right with you right now?, and I started counting .. 1, 2, 3, 4... at the most 5.. apart from these, I was the most luckiest, I thought, and for a moment, I grinned ear to ear. I answered, I cannot give you 100, but I have 5 of them handy. Mind said, great, and are those consistently there or are there any additions/ substractions? I said, no, I think these are the only ones, I will be really happy if I can get these resolved.

And so it said, at the moment, 95% of your life is the way you love to have it.. and 100% of your conscious attention goes in thinking about the other 5%.. What kind of math is that, my friend? Hmmm.. good question, I said, I'll think about it.

Mind said, one meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it, so, listen to your self and do not be afraid to tread the untrodden path. Having said that, wise make decisions, fools take risk, so know the difference between the two and walk on.

Walk on, walk on



What you got they can't steal it


No they can't even feel it


Walk on, walk on...

- U2

Virtual Realitiies

The rustling of a wild-bird's wings,
A star, a flower, a gush of rain,
The sight of sad or joyous things,
Oft makes me seem a child again:
With voiceless eloquence they come,
Bright phantoms of my childhood's home.

ROSA VERTNER JEFFREY, "My Childhood's Home"

When we were younger, say, 15 years ago, things were much more simpler and life was more beautiful. I knew what time to expect Dad to be home, Mum to leave for the market and would await the latest film on DD-1 every Friday. The latest movie would be the 80's Mithun Da hits, if it is vacation time or Old classics. Cable TV, as we'd call it back then, was a luxury few could afford. I remember, we used to get together during the Vacation time to watch Zee Horror Show at Pooja Aunty's house OR Nilesh Dada's house. Why only Zee Horror? Well, as kids, my gang had an eerie fascination with ghost stories, as for me, less said the better. I attribute my fear of darkness to the Ramsay's. But it was bliss. I remember Dad closing a part of the TV cabinet when advts. for grown-ups were shown. And the reason I remember this vividly is because I used to ask Mom, why does Papa close the cabinet at this advt. always? :) I was 6-7 years that time. Come June, and discussions were more about which color school bag would each one of us buy. And oh, before that, 2-3rd of June, each year, the showers would arrive in full pomp and show. When we switched over to Pens from Pencils, it would be more about owning the latest ink pen/ ball pen .. Gel pens and 0.5 nib pens were a big hit by the time I was in class 8. The concept of giving treats on occasions started by the time I was 12 years old and our first treat planned was a Maggi Party at 'E' building terrace. I remember Kavita Pachchi actually preparing the packets of Maggi we'd bought and Rasna to go with it. We were proud and felt grown up. Then came the friendship day celebration. Out of nowhere, on 10th Nov 199x (must be 6 or 7 at the most), we decided to chip in 5 rupees per head and have a grand party in Vaidehi's Gallery. We were about 10-12 of us and we bought slice cakes and rasna for the event. For music, we played Old Mc Donald's and a variety of such tunes on the electronic battery run piano, that one of us had (don't remember who it was). This was The party :)

At 13, we had planned our first ever new year's bash ( I remember the way my mom reacted when she first came to know it.. it was like - Party? at your age?? )

Apart from our 'parties', one more activity I vividly remember is the Miss India competition. The craze had just begun with Aishwarya Rai being crowned the new Miss World in 1994 and we had woken up to the concept of beauty pageants. And so, without fail, almost every other day, new addition to the list of our games was playing Miss World Miss World. We even had our very own Miss Summer Beauty Contest on Kanara House gachchi (terrace).

And the sort of activities that kept us busy in the evenings? LOTS! Pakda pakdi, kabbadi, kho kho in front of A building only, Lapaa Chhupi, Chor Police, BADMINTON, Langdi, Lagori, Aapaa Dhopi, tipri, Saakhlee, Zataapatee, Vish-aamrut so so so many. One Riot!! Come Ganpati/ Diwali, there used to be additional activities - Drama, Dance, Fancy Dress for Ganapati and Drawing Competition, Rangoli Competition, Cooking Competition, Handwriting Competition in Diwali.


9th-10th Class saw us girls growing up under KJo's influence totally. Giggles were whispered and 'Mere Khwabon mein jo aaye..' was the favourite song ;). Amidst all this, we also competed with each other fiercely when it came to academics. Sonali raised the bar for us when she featured in the Merit list of '98 SSC boards. I had my mum telling me, don't play with Sonali, try to gain some of her dedication too :)) And then there were study sessions at Pituli's house for scholarship exams and at pooja's/ sonali's house for school exams.

Since there were no mobile phones or internet in those days, we used to spend a lot of time with each other. That was the way to stay connected.

By the time I entered college, the concept of having mobile phones had arrived. But still, only office goers and high profile professionals had them. I couldn't have dreamt in those days that I could ever have my own mobile phone. So college was again, very naive and new. We used to look forward to meeting each other every noon. Plan outings, debate with our professors, participate in inter-collegiate competitions etc etc. One of the most memorable gifts I have had from the not-so-IT-savy era is the Gift of Books. Absence of Google, in the way it is present now, meant one had to literally scour through those hundreds of books in the library, make an effort, read them and then jot your thoughts on paper. And it was fun. It is while searching for some unrelated book altogether that I have come across some gems in literature (english, hindi and marathi), which have shaped my personality as it is today and which, continue to guide my thought process always. Books in hard copies also meant I could take them to bed while reading, can I do it with my laptop? Nah.. PC usage has in fact given me back-related problems.

Many such things, that were tangible, are today accessible and available in the virtual world. Did I say things? Let me add, today bonds are maintained through the virtual world. Facebook/ Orkut have redefined the communication pattern between two friends and our high-on-IT generation is celebrating the advent of Social Media. Much is being said and done and written about this already. But I find naivety and novelty missing. I don't see bruised knees, I don't hear ear-deafening squeals of laughter and victory and loss. I don't see afternoon siesta's exchanged for a game of Badminton on the ground. And innocence? It is lost even before one can spell the word innocence. That is why probably TV sets no longer come with cabinets, symbolic of the fact that everything is out in the open.

I just hope something happens and we wake up to the need of human presence and touch. The importance of having a laugh face to face than just exchanging smileys over IMs. The thrill of an outdoor adventure together than just facebooking/ farmville-ing/ yoville-ing etc etc.

Most importantly, I need to start writing letters again than just blogging.

Yes.................

:))

'I' love you

Ayn Rand says, to say I love you, one must first learn to say the I. In her classics, Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, she painted a picture of a perfect man and a perfect woman. It has been 10 years since I first read the Fountainhead accidentally, and then lapped up Atlas Shrugged with a thirst unknown to me. These two books were to paint my whole self with colors that were only in my dreams somewhere. These books didn't teach me anything,they gave me the bricks to build on. Build on at my free will, build with berserk but unusually controlled imagination. And what fun I had, building it brick by brick, cementing further with lessons I learnt on the way.

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Peter Keating: Do you always have to have a purpose? Do you always have to be so damn serious? Can't you ever do things without reason, just like everybody else? You're so serious, so old. Everything's important with you. Everything's great, significant in some way, every minute, even when you keep still. Can't you ever be comfortable--and unimportant?"

Howard Roark: "No."
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Still building......

So long,

Slug